


losing the ones who cared

by charjace



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Depression, Gen, Ghost hugs, Heavy Angst, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:07:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26947933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charjace/pseuds/charjace
Summary: just a little piece about what if reggie survived
Comments: 5
Kudos: 96





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> SUICIDE TW! PLEASE BE CAREFUL!
> 
> Slightly Personal Headcanon Biased

Those lonely days in the hospital were  _ cold _ , and all he felt was  _ numb _ as his body tried to fix itself from the poison that had been slipped into his and his friend’s food. The doctors had told him that he was lucky to have made it, but he didn’t feel lucky. How could he feel lucky? His two best friends, his  _ family _ were now dead and he was left alone. His parents were the only came by when he had to be checked out – he was still classed as a minor and needed an adult to let him out. Bobby never came by, in fact – that night was the last time he ever saw Bobby. It’s been a week now, he was still not feeling that great, but he needed to clear out the studio. Walking into the studio, he had noticed that some of their things were moved back here, like Alex’s drums, Luke and Reggie’s guitars, all except for  _ Bobby’s _ \- but he doesn’t put too much thought into that. He felt tears forming in his eyes as he walked over to Alex’s drum kit, fingers ghosting over the drum sticks before he picked them up. He’ll keep them, yeah – he'll keep them. Luke’s journal was something else he took, as well as one of his picks. He almost left without his bass, but he picked it up and slung it over his shoulders. Wiping the back of his hand across his face to wipe the tears away, he walks away from the studio. He’s got what he wants, he wouldn’t know what else to do with everything else.

Going to their funerals wasn’t a ray of sunshine, Alex’s was hard to get through. His parents acting like they loved him, that his future was bright and how he’d never get to fulfil it and meet the one, and have a family. It had taken all of his strength to not yell them out because they didn’t love Alex. They had outcasted him because of who he loved, the only one who still loved Alex was his sister and even he could see the way she was biting back a roll of her eyes at her parent's words. 

Watching as Luke’s mother broke down, having to be consoled by her husband had him clutching the journal he had tightly. He didn’t want to give it up, it was full of everything they were going to be – of what they could have been together. It was a memory of both Alex and Luke; it was something they shared. Luke may have written the  _ most _ , but they all pitched in ideas here and there. But there was just this  _ one song _ that he felt was important for Luke’s parents to hear, to  _ read _ , to have. They needed closure, and if he could give it to them, he would. He would want that too, but he left – unable to do it then and there. He’ll do it tomorrow.

It was the day after Luke’s funeral, he could barely get out of bed but – he had needed to do it. So, he walked himself over to Luke’s place – he didn’t trust himself to drive. Too many bad thoughts running in his head, ones that would end badly. Knocking on the door, he clutched the book in hand as we waited for them to open the door. Mitch was the one to open the door before pulling him into a hug, and he wasn’t meant to cry, not this early – not now. He was supposed to be strong as he gave them the song. Mitch pulled away before allowing him into the home, the older male offers him a drink but he declines it and just takes a seat on the chair, waiting for Emily to come in too.

“I know,” Reggie starts, voice cracking as he tries to get the words to form, tears falling from his eyes as he takes in a deep breath, slowly letting it out and ignoring how  _ shaky _ it sounds to his ears. “I know that, Luke left on bad terms with you guys but, he loved you guys. He... he wrote this,” Fingers flip through the pages to find the messy hand writing where the title says _ Unsaid Emily _ at the top before holding it out towards Emily and Mitch. “We were working on this b-before...”

His voice cracks one more time, and the dam breaks. Tears falling from his eyes as he sobs. Shoulders shaking as they kept coming, and coming. If he wasn’t so numb, he would be embarrassed that he was breaking down in front of the older couple. Emily carefully wrapped her arms around him, and it just made it worse. His own parents didn’t care that his friends died, they didn’t see how upset he was – they never did. After what seems like hours, he no longer has tears left to cry and he’s tired so he pulls away. “I... I should go now.  But you keep that. We were going to make it, I know it.”

“Reggie, you don’t have to go. Stay a while,” Emily offered, but he shakes his head. “Just know, we’ll be here. We know you guys were all close. Like family, and you are  _ our _ family too.”

He really had thought he had cried all his tears out, but just hearing that made him want to cry all over again, but he doesn’t as he walks out the door, heading home – to where his parents just continue to fight.

It’s almost been two months now, and Reggie has barely done anything more then sit around in his room, holding onto Luke and Alex’s things. Doing anything felt pointless, his parents were  _ finally _ filing for that divorce, but it didn’t stop the arguing. Many nights, Reggie found himself still crying to sleep, listening to their demo at a volume quiet enough that his parents wouldn’t yell at him for it. It was a night that was for once  _ peaceful _ in his home, his parents were both out doing  _ god knows what _ , and Reggie was home alone. He had gone around earlier to visit Luke’s parents one last time and leaving a letter for Alex’s sister in the letter box. He had given them the last things he had of their family.

Alone in his room, he had a bottle of his father’s alcohol and his mother's pills – there was a small piece of paper on his bedside table, it was just to explain why he’s doing this. Why he’s downing the pills with alcohol, why he is going to sleep, hoping he’ll never wake up. He’ll be with his friends again, and he won’t fell this  _ pain _ anymore. Drifting off to sleep to the sounds of Luke’s voice and guitar, with Alex’s drumming. Putting him to sleep as he  lets the darkness take over him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried an attempt at a second chapter, this wasn't planned, but i thought i'd give it a go

Eyes flutter open, and he lets out a groan before his eyes register the darkness of the room. He can hear crying, and quickly gets to his feet. The room was dark and he can barely see anything, but he follows the sound of crying. He knew he  _ did it _ , because no one would cry for him in the hospital – those who would are  _ dead _ already, or wouldn’t be contacted at all. His parents never cared for him; he knows it – not since his brother died when they were younger. Walking in the dark room, getting closer to the crying he stills in his steps when he spots Alex and Luke, both standing around, it was Alex who was crying.

Feeling tears form in his eyes, he runs towards them – engulfing the pair into a tight embrace as his own tears fall down his face.

“Reggie?” Luke asks, pulling away before holding Reggie’s face in his hands. His eyes looking Reggie up and down, as if he couldn’t believe it before his eyes. “We thought... we thought you  survived .”

“I did, it was  _ hell _ without you. Or you Alex. Bobby... I don’t know what happened to him, but, he didn’t even go to your funerals,” Reggie spills out, unable to stop himself. He was with his friends once again. Once again, with the people who  _ truly _ love and care for him – his  _ true _ family.

“Funerals? We  _ just _ died Reg,” Luke questions, his hands dropping from Reggie’s face as confusion quickly swam over his face.

Shaking his head slightly, Reggie says, “Two months, that’s how long. Time must move different now.”

It went silent between the three of them, it was Alex who broke the silence – his voice cracking due to the crying he had been doing, and the  realisation of  _ what _ could have happened, “Reg you didn’t.”

He lowers his head, unable to face his friends now. They  _ knew _ he had bad days, that he got what a therapist might call _ depressive  _ spells, but his parents didn’t care enough to take him to a doctor for it, or for  _ anything _ really. But, the  _ one _ thing he had never, ever told – the thing he always would keep to himself was this wasn’t the first time he’s thought about ending up  _ here _ . He had never wanted to burden them with those thoughts that would enter his head. Plus, having  _ them _ nearby or going to his friends would help keep those thoughts at bay for a while. But for the past few months, they had been dead, while he had been alive.

“I couldn’t... I couldn’t take it. Living without you two? How was I supposed to do that, you guys are my only  family. My parents, they didn’t care. I’m sorry,” Reggie answers in a quiet voice, then seconds later, he feels himself being engulfed in a hug by both Alex and Luke, and he is now the one crying. After a while, Reggie pulls slightly away, looking towards Luke, “I... I gave your parents  _ Unsaid Emily _ . I thought you would hate for them to think you hated them, so... I let them know you still cared. They liked the  songs, they regret pushing you away, and not just because you died.”

Luke now had his own tears in his eyes, and they fall down his cheeks. “God, Reg, you’re here making us all cry,” Luke tries to give a short laugh, but it doesn’t feel as hearty, it felt shallow and full of pain.

“Your parents were still  dicks though Alex, but your sister? She misses you, and she told me she wished she had done more,” Reggie informs, he wanted them to know someone missed them, that someone  _ misses _ them – because he knows no one would when it was him. The only ones who would miss him, they’re standing right before him. “What do we do now?”

Both Alex and Luke shrug their shoulders, “We don’t know. But, at least we have each other,” Luke answers.

“We missed you Reggie, you know that,” Alex states, and they’re hugging tightly again, holding on and  jut _ waiting _ for whatever would happen next.


End file.
